Saturday!

Saturday: take rest...

miserable yogamen....

wow! i have followers!

So I never really intended for anyone to read this blog or see my little yoga dudes, but it seems that (four) people are interested so I'll try to keep the blog going a bit. No promises though. I have never really been able to maintain a blog. I get bored, and I suck at blogwriting.

I recently had big breakthroughs on two poses that I have been struggling with - Marichyasana B and Headstand. I don't really know if I can describe what's been going on with Mari B, but I would like to talk a bit about headstand.

I think I spent probably two months or so on headstand preparations before I could get my hips up, and then probably another few weeks before I could straighten my legs. Before any of that though, I spent about a month getting really really nervous. I really hate Matsyasana since it basically makes me feel like I'm going to cough out most of my trachea and throat, and was nervous that headstand would make me black out and die on the spot. I weigh a fair amount - more than most yogis - and I really suspected that headstand would mark my demise.

It didn't, though, and my teacher helped me conquer that fear one step at a time. She has been really patient and methodical in slowly introducing key concepts to my mind and body. I have been reading "Guruji" and something that many of the interviewees mention about Jois is that he would constantly ask his students "Why fearing?" This fear of self destruction that yoga brings is unique.

I have been training kung fu for about ten years, and spent one of those years with a master who was an extremely skilled and powerful martial artist as well as a raging alcoholic. In his fits of alcoholic rage, he would occasionally pick up a spear, hand me a sword, and say "defend!" This was extremely scary since while I understood he didn't want to injure me, I also knew that he was drunk and might be not as accurate but just as powerful as when sober. I looked fear right in the eye and luckily avoided impalement.

However, the kind of fear that yoga brings is completely different. I wrote a couple posts back about how kung fu is extrinsic in nature while yoga is intrinsic, and I think that applies to all aspects of the practice, including fear. It is one thing to face danger and adversity in the form of an external agent deliberately attacking you, and it is another thing to face adversity in the form of your own body or mind's visceral unwillingness to conform to the demands of the practice.

Anyway, headstand is great now. My neck and shoulders hurt a bit but I am slowly learning to relax. I am up to 25 breaths now, although I can't really say that I have that nice slow sonorous ujjayi yet. It's actually more like 15 breaths and then I start panting. oh well!