A Wedding and A Marichyasana B

I got married last sunday! I have been really busy for the past few weeks due to the wedding and whatnot which is why I haven't been posting or practicing as much. Now that the wedding is a week and a half behind me, I finally have the time and presence of mind to be able to reflect on my practice.

If you've been following the blog (and not just looking at the pictures) you might remember that I have been having a lot of trouble with that damnable Marichyasana B. For the first few months of being stuck, I took the opportunity to cultivate a non-grasping attitude and to smother my selfish ambitions. However, a couple weeks before the wedding I started to get frustrated and angry. The binding seemed so far away that I thought I'd never be able to get it on my own. I started to loathe that part of my practice, and performing Mari B three times on each side felt like treading water in the ocean while swallowing a spoonful of terrible medicine and being mauled by a seafaring gorilla. I resented my stiff fat body and its inability to perform binds that everyone else in my class can perform with ease.

After the brief post-wedding honeymoon (during which we got into a car accident while en route; long story) I got back to the shala feeling much refreshed and relaxed. I think the relaxation helped a bit as I was able to bind two out of three times on the left side without any assistance! This was heartening as I had only been able to perform that once before at Manju's workshop. It made me realize that as long as I continue to practice, I will make progress even if it is slower than I want. I believe Jois said something about that...

Also, as I was doing a gmail search for something entirely unrelated, I came across this chat transcript with my very close friend who is an authorized mysore teacher in san fran, dated March 8:

me: i think i'm like maybe

2 cm away from fingers touching on one side

in Mari A

and like maybe 8 cm on the other

Somehow in my frustration with Mari B, I had completely forgotten that I experienced a similar difficulty with Mari A which I overcame through steady practice. When I read that, I felt a sudden relief mixed with a tinge of shame - why had I been doubting myself and the practice? And worse - why did I let that doubt turn into anger and frustration?

I still don't have the bind, but I am making demonstrable progress. Today I bound on the left side 3/3 times, and although I still feel miles away on the right side, I know that I am making progress.

Ironically, I spend a lot of time telling students in my kung fu classes that the tree of martial arts is slow to climb and yields its fruit reluctantly. I also am constantly telling them to relax their trapezoids. I need to listen to my own advice!

PS. Does anyone have any advice on how to turn the foot out in Janu Shirshasana C? I can never really seem to firmly plant my big toe, and my foot is nowhere close to perpendicular to the floor. I just don't really see how to get more rotation without twisting at the knee...

two more yogamans

Any idea why it feels like my back is literally burning when I do this posture? It feels like so much heat.

So hard to bind...

A Tale of Two Temperaments

As I have mentioned before, I started yoga out of curiosity but also as a way to improve my kung fu. The two have synergized really nicely and seem to go hand in hand for me.

However, something happened recently which really made me aware of how different the two disciplines are. I was teaching a mixed age kung fu class, and one of the students asked me about some ground techniques, namely, how to choke someone on the floor with your legs. I asked a newly minted instructor for some help demonstrating and so we got on the floor to explain the "triangle choke". For some reason, this other instructor (who is about 18) decided to turn the quick instructional demo into a wrestling match (what a hothead!) and so he picked me up and dropped me on my neck a few times. This only succeeded in really pissing me off, so we grappled some more until he gave up. My neck hurt for days afterwards, including during my manju workshop.

This made me pretty angry. He shouldn't have engaged in free sparring of any kind in that context. Children were running around and could have been hurt! Also, I hate having to deal with unnecessary injury. Aches and pains are part of the deal when practicing martial arts, but I try to protect myself to minimize such things. I vowed revenge.

Sure enough, an opportunity arose for me to exact retribution for his misdeeds. We were holding controlled sparring sessions, so I got in line and just happened to be paired up with the hothead who injured me. I am ten years his senior but still well within my prime and easily defeated him. I finished the fight with a nice jab to the stomach which left him bent over gasping for breath. I went home feeling satisfied that we were even and regaled my friends with a tale of domination over my opponents.

The very next morning I woke up early and went to yoga. As soon as I started on my standing postures, I realized that my mind was struggling to adjust to the change in pace and attitude. My practice was really unfocused as my aggressive mindstate sharply contrasted with the peaceful yoga practice.

I don't feel bad about what happened in kung fu. While I am a vegetarian and try to practice ahimsa in regards to all living creatures great and small, I think that the violence of kung fu is primarily a method of sharpening and controlling the mind. Kung fu is a practice for pacifists, and learning to use your body as a tool of violence is ultimately a meditation on the nature of peace. In essence, I think some of the goals of yoga and kung fu are identical - we all strive to cease the vibrations of the mind. But the path to that goal is so different in many respects, and sometimes I find it jarring to practice both.

PS. after i beat his ass earlier this week, he and i have cooled things out and are once again friendly colleagues. it's like in elementary school where you fight with your friend and then ten minutes later it's back on the bikes.